Technical definitions
A friend of mine gave me the following today, and I thought I should share it with you ... especiallly, since I haven't shared much recently.
When vendors say ... They really mean.
1.) Breakthrough ... We finally got it to compile.
2.) Easy to use ... Has no useful features.
3.) Internet-ready ... In lab tests, did not crash if an IP stack was present.
4.) Internet-aware ... Responds to pings.
5.) Web-enabled ... Can launch a browser.
6.) Java-enabled ... The old version didn't compile, so we're rewriting it.
7.) Familiar Windows interface ... Creates exception errors.
8.) Comprehensive software suite ... Unrelated tools crammed into a disk.
9.) Supports mission-critical applications ... We overcharge our customers.
10.) Carrier-class ... Don't even ask how much it costs.
11.) Feature will be in the next release ... I just thought of it.
12.) Feature in early beta ... I thought of it on the way over to meet you.
13.) Porting to Windows NT ... We can't think of new features, so we're following the herd.
14.) Available as ActiveX module ... We want Microsoft to buy us.
15.) No-charge upgrade for existing customers ... We can't get the old stuff to work either.
16.) Being sold through distribution ... Don't call us if you have problems with it.
17.) Seeking new vertical markets ... Our customers won;t talk to us anymore.
When vendors say ... They really mean.
1.) Breakthrough ... We finally got it to compile.
2.) Easy to use ... Has no useful features.
3.) Internet-ready ... In lab tests, did not crash if an IP stack was present.
4.) Internet-aware ... Responds to pings.
5.) Web-enabled ... Can launch a browser.
6.) Java-enabled ... The old version didn't compile, so we're rewriting it.
7.) Familiar Windows interface ... Creates exception errors.
8.) Comprehensive software suite ... Unrelated tools crammed into a disk.
9.) Supports mission-critical applications ... We overcharge our customers.
10.) Carrier-class ... Don't even ask how much it costs.
11.) Feature will be in the next release ... I just thought of it.
12.) Feature in early beta ... I thought of it on the way over to meet you.
13.) Porting to Windows NT ... We can't think of new features, so we're following the herd.
14.) Available as ActiveX module ... We want Microsoft to buy us.
15.) No-charge upgrade for existing customers ... We can't get the old stuff to work either.
16.) Being sold through distribution ... Don't call us if you have problems with it.
17.) Seeking new vertical markets ... Our customers won;t talk to us anymore.
